I have had a rough six months. Possibly the roughest in my whole 32 years. Maybe the roughest I will ever experience. Hopefully the roughest I will ever experience! I think I'm back here writing for that very reason...I know there have been some amazing things happen amidst the ugly mess things have appeared to be and I want (check that, NEED) to find some perspective. Somewhere to appreciate those amazing things and not dwell on the difficulties like I've been doing. As I type I have a nasty headache and a sore throat, I fear, from yelling for most of the afternoon at boys seemingly unable to hear. I would cry for the release if I was lucky enough to be unaware of the fact that my headache would blow off the charts should I indulge. In any case, those 'angels' of mine are finally quiet in their beds so I can have a few moments to myself before I stumble into mine, well before the time I usually do.
Back to the point...it's been difficult for me to appreciate the good things lately and too easy to dwell on the negatives. Don't get me wrong, the negatives have been significant. I know I'm not just being 'weak' or 'precious' to feel as if I'm drowning. There have been many life changes in such a short amount of time, as well as lots of niggling stressful aspects to all those changes. Let me just get it out there into the universe so I can let it go...Life. Is. Hard. Maybe if I just let myself say that every once in a while I can accept that I can be going through a rough time yet still be doing a good job. I'm sure that's one reason why I've been stuck down low in the stress-pit...because I've got myself convinved that I am doing something wrong, or even that I can't possibly do anything right, considering my bad run of dramas. I know instinctively though that life can just be difficult, and test us, even when we've done nothing to deserve such a hard time. I also know that sometimes the dark times really do turn out to be the best things to have happened to us, for reasons we can't yet fathom so, while I'm down for the count on the one hand, I'm also quietly hopeful that life has more in store for me than the defeat I'm feeling right now.
My body is screaming at me to head to bed so I'll just share one piece of news for tonight...one amazing 'thing' to have happened amidst the mess of life...
Well, I'm seemingly unable to insert my picture right here where I want it, and I'm struggling to stay up, so I'll just leave the beautiful image of my third baby at 20 weeks gestation (I'm currently 26 weeks...today actually!) at the top of the post, fittingly. Hopefully be back soon with more positives!
