It's a New Year!!

I really love New Years. It's without doubt my favourite time of year. Every year. I just can't get enough of the feelings of promise and hope for all that's to come in the following months and, the fact that each of us has a blank slate, I find universally empowering.

So do I feel empowered with the coming of this New Year? Yes, in a word! Life is never better than when you can open up a brand new diary (mine this year is a gorgeous candy pink colour, in A4 size for extra space and organisational importance) and know that all those days are yet to happen. I'm old enough to know I will waste days (in fact it's the 3rd today and I'm pretty sure I've "wasted" 2 out of the 3!), feel guilty about it, and try harder the next day/week/month to make each day count, but despite this, 2011 is still new and full of potential.

I have been meaning to write out a brand new set of (hopefully achievable) goals for myself and my family but of course life has got in the way yet again. I'm currently spending my spare moments either reading up on the discipline techniques of 1-2-3 Magic or reading a book on saving money. Both of these are very important for right now so I'll persist with that and get around to my goals as soon as I can without stressing too much because it's a brand New Year and I'm full of hope like that.

I'll leave you (or should I say 'myself'? Lol, I'll get around to sharing this blog with people at some point) with a photo of my beautiful babies with Santa. This was taken just a couple of weeks ago. The big one didn't mind, the little one did but we got the shot anyway.

Too long between posts!

I have had a rough six months. Possibly the roughest in my whole 32 years. Maybe the roughest I will ever experience. Hopefully the roughest I will ever experience! I think I'm back here writing for that very reason...I know there have been some amazing things happen amidst the ugly mess things have appeared to be and I want (check that, NEED) to find some perspective. Somewhere to appreciate those amazing things and not dwell on the difficulties like I've been doing. As I type I have a nasty headache and a sore throat, I fear, from yelling for most of the afternoon at boys seemingly unable to hear. I would cry for the release if I was lucky enough to be unaware of the fact that my headache would blow off the charts should I indulge. In any case, those 'angels' of mine are finally quiet in their beds so I can have a few moments to myself before I stumble into mine, well before the time I usually do.

Back to the point...it's been difficult for me to appreciate the good things lately and too easy to dwell on the negatives. Don't get me wrong, the negatives have been significant. I know I'm not just being 'weak' or 'precious' to feel as if I'm drowning. There have been many life changes in such a short amount of time, as well as lots of niggling stressful aspects to all those changes. Let me just get it out there into the universe so I can let it go...Life. Is. Hard. Maybe if I just let myself say that every once in a while I can accept that I can be going through a rough time yet still be doing a good job. I'm sure that's one reason why I've been stuck down low in the stress-pit...because I've got myself convinved that I am doing something wrong, or even that I can't possibly do anything right, considering my bad run of dramas. I know instinctively though that life can just be difficult, and test us, even when we've done nothing to deserve such a hard time. I also know that sometimes the dark times really do turn out to be the best things to have happened to us, for reasons we can't yet fathom so, while I'm down for the count on the one hand, I'm also quietly hopeful that life has more in store for me than the defeat I'm feeling right now.

My body is screaming at me to head to bed so I'll just share one piece of news for tonight...one amazing 'thing' to have happened amidst the mess of life...

Well, I'm seemingly unable to insert my picture right here where I want it, and I'm struggling to stay up, so I'll just leave the beautiful image of my third baby at 20 weeks gestation (I'm currently 26 weeks...today actually!) at the top of the post, fittingly. Hopefully be back soon with more positives!

Celebrations!

Life really does offer many opportunities to celebrate doesn't it? From international holidays to the milestones of our children...much joy! I think I've written before that my favourite celebrations are birthdays. I just love that every person gets a special day each year that's all about them! I'm not so naive as to think that birthdays are always happy days for everyone, but I love that, for the majority, people are thought about much more on 'their' special day, and I also love the unique traditions within families. We've discussed starting various traditions, such as special birthday BBQ breakfasts, but we haven't yet worked out the logistics of all our desired traditions. The traditions that have evolved without discussion or effort though, include:
~ Waking up to balloons
~ The birthday boy/girl choosing all their meals for the day and not having to lift a finger for so much as making a (real) coffee
~ Breakfast in bed if desired (I can't enjoy this pleasure myself for some reason, I always choose to be woken up with a lovely coffee and then eat at a table when I'm awake enough to enjoy it!)
~ Handmade cards (of course!)
~ Lots of hugs and kisses and best wishes for the day along with the giving of usually too many presents
~ The birthday boy/girl choosing how they want to spend the day and working everything else around this
~ Cake and coffee after dinner

We had a birthday in the family this week!

Remmy turned 32 on the 17th! We mostly followed our traditions except he had to go to work so didn't have a great deal of hours with us to be given all our attention. The boys and I spent the day blowing up the balloons that were left after his morning wake-up call, baking his cake (which had two layers of frosting inside so that little boys wouldn't eat the top of the cake only!), and making his card. He had a great day, receiving phone calls from all his family (and facebook messages from all of mine!), and it was his wish to watch some new birthday TVD's with me after the boys went to bed. We only had him home from 6:30-7:30am, and from about 7pm onwards, but he assures me he had a very special day. How could he not with sons as precious as these two?!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY REMMY!! xoxo

There are many celebrations this month! One of Remmy's uncles turned 62 on the 5th, a good friend of mine turned 32 on the 6th, we had a 4th birthday party for some special triplet friends on the 13th, which was also my Dad's birthday (he would have been 61), a nephew turned 3 on the 16th, Remmy's 32nd on the 17th, my sister's 35th on the 20th, a niece turning 7 on the 24th, another niece turning 6 on the 25th (this is her and I with an early birthday present from us),

my cousin's son turns 8 on the 26th, we also have an early 21st birthday party for my eldest nephew on that day, and last, but not least, is Remmy and my 5th wedding anniversary (and 7th engagement anniversary!) on the 28th! What a busy month!

On Friday the boys and I packed up a mini picnic and headed off to the park! It's so fun watching them play together as they're growing. I must have taken 200 photos in a 2 hour window and I loved them all! It was a great reminder for me to just pick up that camera and snap away as often as possible. There are so many moments to capture.

I could stare at some photos of my boys for hours...they amaze me in so many ways. What special little people they are, I'm so lucky to be their Mummy!

Here's Gabriel just watching his big brother do things on the play equipment that he's just not yet big enough to try. I love that he's smiling...he has such a lovely spirit.

With a bit of help he got to experience the big slide for himself, with big brother watching in the background.

When it was time to go home the boys happily climbed into the pram (for possibly the last time together) to indulge in cola flavoured chup chups with the promise to come back to the park very soon.

Tired, happy, boys...joyful mum!

xx

Tuesday 5...

1. I had a lovely rest this morning while the boys watched a DVD. Sometimes they play so well together and I'm grateful this morning was one of those times!

2. I'm grateful for dinner not taking as much preparation as I thought. I've had the worst headache all day today and that was a nice surprise.

3. More beautiful weather!

4. Finally getting to the bottom of my folding pile. I always feel down when the house is in disarray.

5. I'm also grateful for my computer behaving itself today! It's not often I can get through an entire day without it freezing up on me and wasting my time but today was an exception. Small miracles!

Here are a few photos of the boys and I just being daggy at home a couple of weeks ago:

xx

Monday 5...

1. I'm grateful for being able to confide in my Mother. I am a very open person by nature but I'll admit that I do struggle with trusting most people with my true concerns. She was very understanding today and I really needed that.

2. Clarity. You know how some days go by and your mind is very foggy with lots of half-sorted ideas and opinions? Today was one of those other ones. I didn't sort everything out that I needed to but I did find that my mind was sharp. Clarity is like a closed window opening.

3. TVDs. This is my made-up word for DVDs of TV series'! I can't get enough of them really! I look forward to watching various series' at my own pace so much that it's rare for a day to pass and me not to have watched at least 2 episodes. I don't watch TV at all but I do remember how frustrating it was to see one of my favourite shows (taking much longer than necessary due to the ads) and then having to wait an entire week for the next installment. Gone are those days!

4. Losing weight. I started following a calorie counting application on my iPhone last week aimed at helping to lose 1kg per week. I only lost 400g that week but I was happy with that for a start. I haven't been doing much fitness this week (and I haven't eaten perfectly well either) but I'm still looking forward to seeing if I'll lose anything. It's exciting!

5. Goals. I'm grateful for goals because goals = hope for the future as well as a sense of satisfaction in the present. I last revised my 3 month/1yr/5yr goals a few months ago and am keen to update it again. I have a goal to revise my goals! I'm grateful also for the lessons I've learned with my previous goal-making attempts, especially the awareness that I let obstacles stop me in my tracks far too much. I must need to break my goals into even smaller tasks and I also need to ensure I take time each day to look over them.

Not a lot of specifics in my Monday 5 because it's so late! I'm actually barely hanging on tonight with a very painful headache. Goal #1 should definitely be to improve my sleeping habits!

xx

I used to write in a gratitude journal daily. The idea behind this is that by forcing yourself to think of 5 things each day you're grateful for, you very quickly begin to see just how much joy really is in your life! If you're having a bad day, for instance, and the only things you can think of to be grateful for all relate to the fact that the day is over, that's ok. It becomes easier in time and the positivity you gain from appreciating all those small moments in your day also makes you realise that you have so much...you're a rich person, even when you may not have much money in the bank. It's such a valuable exercise that I've decided to post my daily 5 right here.

Sunday 5

1. We had a very social day today. The boys had a great time playing (and eating) at a birthday party this morning, my husband caught up with an old work colleague, and I enjoyed catching up with a few friends there too. After the party we did a bit of shopping and then visited another of my husband's old work colleagues and her family on their new property. When we got home we had my parents come over for a visit, along with one of my sisters, 2 nieces, and 2 nephews. I was really enjoying all the conversations and felt relaxed all day.

2. I'm grateful for my little family. I just realised that when I wrote on here in March 2009 I was separated from my husband. We separated in October 2008 and, after much communicating and soul-searching (from us both), we decided that we would do everything it took to be a family again. The boys and I welcomed him home mid 2009. I'm very proud of us.

3. Receiving compliments today on how lovely Jasper and Gabriel are also made me proud. I was told that I've done such a great job with them and I was able to say, "Thank you", and truly believe both that I have done a great job, and that the boys certainly are lovely. I would be here forever if I was to explain to you why they're lovely, so let me just say that they're often polite, considerate and interested in others, they're usually very happy, and they are always sweet. Today, for instance, as they were playing at the party, they would routinely give each other big hugs and say, "Awwww, Jasper", and "Awww, Gabriel", when they saw each other; Gabriel was so confident in asking children twice his age to chase him, and then he'd squeal in excitement as they were nearing; one of the other mums at the party came up to me and asked in amazement, "Did Jasper just ask to be excused from the table?!", after he had done just that; and both boys have been complimented for their spontaneous greetings many times this weekend. Need I go on? They are very special boys and I don't think I could possibly be more proud of them. Definitely something for which to be grateful.

4. The beautiful weather today! It was amazing to be able to enjoy spending time outside because it has been rather chilly for a few weeks now. I left my favourite, almost threadbare, Very, Very jacket at home and there were moments I felt hot! Lovely!

5. Long weekends. Tomorrow is a public holiday and I'm so thankful for that after such a busy weekend so far.

Yes, I feel better already for having done my Sunday 5! Here's hoping I'm able to keep up the habit.

Before I sign off for the night I'll share some photos of my beautiful boys. These are all from Gabriel's 2nd birthday last month. What a big boy he is getting...growing up so fast (in the proverbial sense only, I'm afraid he's inherited my physical size for sure!)! Here are a few facts about Gabriel at 2 years old:
* He's so clever with words. He started talking when he was so little (I'd have to go back through my box of the boys' significant dates to tell you just how little he was) and now speaks in full sentences all day long. He uses intonation perfectly too and is understood by others almost as well as he is by us.
* He still has 'red' hair. It's darkened since he was a baby and still has a band around the back of much blonder hair! He inherited his hair colour from his paternal great-grandmother.
* He loves frogs, cars, watching dvd's, playing games on my iphone, reading books, chasing and playing with everyone, having a bath, and cuddles!
* He's very physically strong and coordinated, I predict he will love sports when he's old enough to start.
* He's got a great sense of humour! He laughs so much, I mean really laughs...with his entire body. He's filled with joy!
* He's stubborn at times and, unless you can give him a better option, if he doesn't get his way, his cry will break your heart. He's passionate alright!
* He still uses a dummy (or 5). He has favourites and prefers to have at least 2 at all times. He rotates them around between his hands and his mouth and, when he's tired, he taps the dummy in his hand onto his cheeks.
* His favourite foods are chocolate, cake (but only the icing and/or sprinkles!), grapes, watermelon, peanut butter on toast, cheese sticks, fruit lollies (sultanas and other dried fruit), chicken, biscuits, rice crackers, yoghurt, and cooken frozen vegetables! He's never liked mashed potato, is currently anti-banana, and, while he can use cutlery flawlessly, he prefers not to. He's the messiest eater I've ever seen!
* He still has a nap in the daytime (usually from about 1pm - 3pm) and sleeps from around 8pm - 7am.
* Most of his clothes are size 2 but he can usually fit into size 1 long pants. He will not abide keeping socks on without shoes, even when it's cold.

This first photo was taken when he first woke up to balloons in his and Jasper's bedroom. Jasper usually sleeps for half an hour longer than Gabriel in the mornings and this day was no exception (even with all those screams of excitement)!

Gabriel woke Jasper up with a cuddle and out they ran to see a big pile of birthday presents. Your eyes are not deceiving you...that is Christmas wrapping paper you see! I didn't have any cute birthday wrapping paper and this Christmas paper was very thin, so perfect for Gabriel to rip with ease.

After openning all the wrapped pressies we brought out his new bike! We knew he'd be too little for a standard bike with training wheels so we got this glide-to-ride bike (you add the wheels when the child has mastered the art of balancing while pushing off with both feet at once). We were sure he'd be big enough to touch the ground but unfortunately he's not. Hopefully his little legs will grow fast so he can make better use of it soon.

Gabriel and Jasper all dressed up to meet some friends at a childrens playcentre in the nearest city. Gabriel got this chalkboard/whiteboard off Nanny and Poppy and I painted it white and sanded it back in parts to look shabby-chic. I've since seen some kind of bees wax you can rub over white paint to shabby-chic just about anything. I'll be giving that a go next time...sanding back when the wood is light in colour isn't the most effective technique! I'm happy with it though, as are the boys!

Here are some photos from the playcentre:

The frog cake I made the night before:

Big boy Jasper, wearing a party hat about to enjoy that yummy cake! I must go back and see how little he was when I last posted up a photo on here! I'm sure he's grown so much since then, he's a real 'little boy' now.

This has turned into a mammoth post so I'll leave it there. I'll be back tomorrow with my Monday 5!

xx

Boo!!

I'm shocked to learn that it's been over 14 months since I've posted on this poor blog of mine! Very disgraceful! I stopped writing because I'd planned to start a new, more professional, blog for my Stampin' Up! endeavours and the perfectionist in me wanted to start a brand new personal blog as well, rather than continue with this old 'hybrid'. Do you know what though? This old hybrid is part of my 'journey', and this 'journey' is something I want to remember. If I'm lucky I will become the person I hope to become (a kind, well-balanced, inspirational, happy and healthy wife/mother/daughter/friend/career woman...) but I need not forget the confused, unbalanced, very much imperfect lady I have been. Some of that may make more sense as I start to catch up with a year's worth of news, but it's a comforting thought for me that I, like my humble blog, still have the ability to evolve. Just like my blog sitting stagnant in blog-land, I've felt a real sense of life moving forward without me for quite some time. I have reassessed my personal and career goals so many times that even I'm unconvinced of what I'm truly wanting to achieve. I feel like I'm just stumbling around not really getting anywhere because there are too many places I want to go and the obstacles are insurmountable. As you will learn, I have come up against some very 'real' obstacles but I'm disappointed in myself for not finding ways around them...for just giving up entirely or, at best, justifying a change in direction when I'm only moving away from where I want to go. It's definitely time to re-focus. I need to remind myself of what's important, figure out how to nurture the important things while allowing room for growth and flexibility, make some new goals for myself, and start being consciously grateful for all the wonderful things about my life. I haven't been happy lately and I feel so very guilty about that when I know there are so many people (and so many things) deserving of my gratitude and appreciation. Shame on me. You can believe me when I say that I've beaten myself up enough about this though so I'll do my best to be more positive from this very moment. I certainly agree with the saying 'the biggest mistake in life is to do nothing when you can only do little'. Finding this blog and actually making time to post has been a significant baby step for me. Everyone can count on continual baby steps building momentum, so welcome back to the Journey of this Goedhart!